Can I really profess anonymously? Maybe I'm just bitching, then.

I am feeling deeply depressed.

I'm getting sick of hearing from each of two girlfriends about how the other is an unreasonable source of "drama." They're BOTH unreasonable sources of drama, goddamnit, and it makes me batshit. I, however, don't turn it into terrible feuds and then come bitching to me about the feud. What do they expect me to say? They try to bait me, by telling me what the other is doing. They try to get sympathy and information, and while I do try to be generically sympathetic, I'm not going to comdemn either of them to the other. Fuck it. If A wouldn't want me to condemn her for B, why should I condemn B to her?

Batshit. Batshit, batshit, batshit.

I feel like my day's been spoiled. I've been looming in a general depression for a while, now, and I was on an upsweep, but it feels so very unstable. An enormous phone conversation that felt like tense negotiation later, and I'm ready to lie down on the floor and not get up for a while.

I'm trying to avoid that course of action.

It's sunny out. It's breezy. It's the first time it's been reasonable enough to go outside at noon, but there are machines going through, everywhere I look, and I can't hardly go lie down in their path.

I want them to go. I don't want to hear from these chicks, no matter how much I may love them. I want my lover home, I want to lie down in the sunshine, I want to eat strawberries and play some music and enjoy myself. I'd love to have the energy to get a little work done, but motivation lacks. I'd even like to do a little laundry. Something.

Maybe I can manage to start laundry. It's a good start. It's useful. I'll feel more productive. I couldn't even finish my yoga, this morning, and that was before the phone rang. Now everything looks bigger and messier and less approachable than it did before. Than it is, I'm sure.

GAAAAAAH.

Huff.

Okay, okay.

Stop that tape, it's done. Start another one. Start the laundry. Put on some music. Maybe finish mixing that CD I've been meaning to get together. Do a little work with the music on. Chill the fuck out. Without, you know, clonking the fuck out.

Maybe it'll work, right?